Q & A With Stickmon..

As you are all aware, Stickmon is the true definition of L.O.F.T. Golf. He most certainly would post better scores if he would just cheat, like most golfers, but he plays by the rules! On this page, Stickmon will personally answer every difficult question from his readers. Feel free to submit your question to the forum and Stickmon will answer it for you personally, promptly, and honestly! (Don’t say we didn’t warn you).

Q: Dear Stickmon,
Is it ever all right to play with a yellow ball (or any color other than white, for that matter), ever?

Bill
Lutz, FL

A: Hey Bill! Thanks for the question. I thought long and hard for the right answer to your very important question and here are my thoughts. NO! Never, ever play with a ball that is any color but white. PERIOD!!! If playing in the middle of a snow storm (and they are few and far between in the Tampa area), you must play with a white ball. In snow storm play you will most likely lose dozens of balls and amass dozens of penalty strokes but at the end of the day your dignity will be intact! There is an exception to this rule, however. If you start with a white ball off the tee and inevitably hit a barn, leaving red paint on your otherwise white ball you may continue play with your newly customized ball.

Q: Dear Stickmon,
As an avid golfer yourself, have you ever been tempted to roll your ball to improve your lie? I do. I feel that I should not be penalized for being in my own fairway. I’m sure you agree with this, right?

Lou
Ft. Myers, FL

A: Great question Lou! There are certain times that rolling your ball is not only okay, but imperative. Here’s an example: You are having the best round of your life, playing a skins game with friends. After a great drive right down the middle of the fairway almost 300 yards, you get to the ball to find that some other golfer neglected to fill the crater sized divot from an earlier round and your ball is almost sub-terrain. Should you roll it out of the divot? NO! That’s a stroke! Here’s an example of when it’s okay to roll the ball in the fairway: Let’s say you got to your unfortunate lie to discover an axe wielding maniac emerging from the woods on the side of the fairway. The maniac warns you that if you do not roll the ball out of the divot, he will kill the beautiful golden retriever puppy he has with him. ROLL THE BALL! Continue on your round and once safely out of his sight, amend your scorecard to account for the stroke. Honestly, I can’t think of any other time that rolling the ball is okay.

Q: Dear Stickmon,
I was playing a round of golf with my new boss today when I noticed that he cheated on his score. I clearly witnessed him taking 7 strokes on a par 5. After putting out, he stated he had a bogey, so I entered a 6 on the scorecard. I really wanted to correct him, but I just landed this great job and didn’t want to make waves with the new boss. I have a wife at home as well as a two-year-old son and a three-week-old newborn and a very large mortgage on our home. I know you’re a stickler for the rules, Stickmon, but I believe that even you would have made the same decision.

Greg
Columbia, SC

A: Hey Greg! This is a question I field quite often, so you are not alone. With the economy being what it is and good jobs so hard to find, you made what I refer to as a safe decision. Safe but BAD! If calling your boss on his “mistake” would have ended up with you being unemployed and homeless, you owe it to the game, as well as yourself, to confront him on the score. Greg, if you were talented enough to land this “great job” (working for a cheater), I believe eventually you’ll find another job. In the meantime, while you’re “job hunting” you will have the opportunity to improve on your personal golf game, every day. As far as the mortgage is concerned . . . do you really need that big of a house?

Q: Dear Stickmon,
I was golfing with a couple of pals on our annual Florida golf trip. Teeing off on 3 I had an errant drive that went sharply right about sixty yards from the tee box. When I arrived at my ball, it was sitting less then 10 feet away from a large alligator sunning itself just outside the hazard. I called back to my playing partner to ask for a ruling and he said to hit it where it lies or deem it unplayable and take the stroke. I know rules are rules, but to risk life and limb to save par seems ridiculous. What would Stickmon do?

Dave,
South Windsor, CT

A: Thanks for the question, Dave. I too make an annual pilgrimage to the Sunshine State and know exactly what you experienced. I have done considerable research regarding golfing amongst these dinosaurs! Dave, unfortunately, the advice you were given was correct. Play it where it lies or take the stroke! I don’t write the rules, I just adhere to them. Alligators generally will not attack humans unless they feel threatened, and why would an alligator feel threatened by a six-foot tall, badly dressed man carrying a giant shiny stick towards them? Don’t be a baby, Dave! Get in there, take your shot, and at the end of the round, sign your scorecard with confidence, even if your writing arm was torn off on the third hole!

Q: Dear Stickmon,

I have a real problem that I hope you can help me with. I have been married for 12 years to my beautiful wife and best friend. We have three kids, a beautiful home, and great careers. Now here’s the problem. I work Monday through Friday at a very stressful job, often times not coming home until seven or eight at night. On the weekends, I relax by golfing at my local course both Saturday and Sunday with my friends. My non-golfing wife is getting plenty mad with my weekend ritual and is threatening to take the kids and move in with her mother if I don’t quit golfing immediately! My question to you, Stickmon, is what would you do?

Tommy
San Diego, CA

A: Tommy, you have a very important decision to make regarding your future, so I’m glad you turned to Stickmon for help. You state that your wife (and best friend), will take your kids and move in with her mother, leaving you alone. My best advice is since you will be the only one living in the house once they’re moved into Grandma’s, sell the house and purchase a less expensive condo on a golf course. Condo living will allow for much more weekend golf since someone else will be doing the lawn for you. Sure, you’re going to miss the wife and kids, but that’s why golf courses have a beverage cart . . . to help you forget the sad stuff.

Q: Dear Stickmon,
My husband Jack and I took up golf together about nine years ago. We started with lessons then moved on to the “learn by doing” approach. Jack was so patient with me during our first two years as he continued to improve and I continued to struggle. He was a saint! Now, fast-forward seven years and I find that while Jack is still struggling to break 100, while I shoot consistently in the 80's. Since Jack was so patient during my early years on the course, I would feel badly hurting him while he continues to struggle. My question for you, Stickmon, is do you know a way I could leave him for good without hurting him? I love Jack with all my heart, but I do believe that playing with him every week is preventing me from breaking 80. A little help, please!

Michelle
Nashville, TN

A: Michelle, Michelle, Michelle! I was pained to read your letter. This man was at your side for over two years while you were most likely embarrassing him on the golf course, and now you’re the one being embarrassed. You can never leave your husband without hurting him, but I certainly understand your agony golfing with him, so here’s my advice: tonight after dinner, put the kids to bed and open a nice bottle of wine. Sit Jack down in his favorite chair and confess to him that you have been having an affair for almost four years now and truly believe this new man is your soul mate. Sure, Jack will cry and be very hurt, but HE will make the ultimate decision to leave YOU! See, no guilt! Once Jack’s gone, go find yourself a more suitable golf partner. Then . . . go break 80! Keep us updated, Michelle!

Q: Dear Stickmon,
You’re the only one I could confide in with my dilemma. I belong to a Thursday evening golf league at my local course. The guys I play with are pretty cool, but there is one guy on the league that will show up with the worst looking toupee you have ever seen. I need some advice. Do you think we should mention it to him to avoid further embarrassment or just leave it alone and golf?

Mark,
Grand Rapids, MI

A: Thanks for the interesting letter, Mark. I think we’ve all been witness to some very bad hairpieces at the golf course, but prior to discussing this situation with your follicle-challenged team member, there are some things to consider. I have golfed several times with a middle-aged insurance salesman with a hairpiece so obvious he should have worn a chinstrap! I so wanted to enlighten this guy to the obvious, but I realized he had a wife that should have been his first consultant, and he had friends outside of golf that should have put him in front of a mirror. But the main reason I refrained from saying anything is that watching our fellow-leaguer tee-off with a squirrel on his head was real funny! I figured if everyone were staring at his “rug”, they wouldn’t be paying as much attention to my swing! One more thought, Mark. Why don’t you order your newly acquired playing partner an always-fashionable L.O.F.T. hat and suggest he leave the “squirrel” home.